Entry #7 - Dentistry Girl
Prospective Female:
Dentistry Grad Student?
Thoughts:
The classic story of girl meets boy, girl needs to fix bike, boy offers to fix said bike, boy drunkenly tells girl to find him on Facebook, and then girl never contacts him again?
Level of Inebriation:
First Meeting: Painfully and awkwardly shy
Second Meeting: “Oh I’ll fix your bike ^_^!!! FIND ME ON FACEBOOK!”
(Note: this is after a tall can of Joosed and three cans of Asahi)
Interaction?
I occasionally ride bikes with my friends. When we meet up on campus, people tend to stop and ask us if we are a group or what not. Sometimes, girls ask us about our bike ride. Sometimes they are cute.
So sure enough, two weeks ago a cute girl stopped by and asked us about our ride. She began conversing with us about the shabby state of operation that her bike was in. Despite two of my friends’ best efforts to guide her towards me, I was somehow oblivious to the opportunity of volunteering to fix her bike and/or getting to know her as a result of this. I think I may have just told her to go to the campus bike shop or something. I’m sure Kanye would be asking me, how could I be so heartless? But I digress…
One week passes by. I discovered some terrible news this past Monday and struggled to make it through the work and school day without a case of the Mondays. I proceeded to respond to the situation, the only way I know how; by drowning my sorrows with mind numbing alcohol.
So of course later that night after I show up to our group bike ride slightly inebriated, the girl shows up again for some chit chat (and possibly more). Learning from my mistake from the previous week, I immediately sprung into action and began conversing with her whilst wearing a stupid grin on my face. I somehow communicated with her, that I could repair her bike for her, and that she should get in contact with me. Of course rather than conventional methods of communication, I stupidly suggested she look me up on Facebook instead (which ranks as pretty creepy amongst the methods of making the first move).
Why it will never work out:
Because I am still waiting for that goddamned red notification on Facebook to pop up from her, and not from one of those inane quizzes you assholes take. Also I’m not exactly sure how to spell her name.
Entry #6 - 3 Dudes and No Chicks
Prospective Female(s):
Three chicks, two of which I had the green light to holler at.
Thoughts:
So two of my friends call me up, saying they have a surefire plan to hang out with some girls. I have relatively no experience with this activity of group flirtation?
The plan was one girl was supposed to call my friend after she got off work. She was going to bring two of her girl friends, and my friend was going to bring me and another dude. We were all supposed to meet up, have some tacos and hang out and have a few drinks. Whatever happened from there was up to my imagination.
Did it seem fishy? Yes. Did it feel planned? Yes. Was I enthralled at the slightest chance of meeting a girl? Possibly (Yes).
The night quickly devolved into nothing of the sort, leaving me to venture home, defeated, sleepy, and with another loss to add to my record for the 2009 year. (That’s 0-6 if you’re keeping track)
Level of Inebriation:
There were plans to consume alcohol. The plans were aborted.
Interaction?
I went to a Jack In The Box, two Blockbuster’s and a Starbucks in the span of 2 hours, to “kill time” waiting for the prospective females to give my friend the call to meet up. Of course it never happened.
My friend texted her, and left her a Facebook message. The girl then left a message on my friend’s Facebook wall saying she didn’t have her phone and that her other two friends had already gone out for the night (presumably with cooler dudes). I sat here holding my Dumb Phone (everyone talks about Smart Phones, and I’m stuck here with my Dumb Phone), confused by this flurry of texting, calling, Facebook walling, and generally just a disaster of communication overload.
Whether this girl was playing hard to get or what not, I just realized I spent the last 3 hours of my life, sitting with a bunch of dudes and wondering what sort of action might happen in the next few hours.
I should have known better. You know that little gut feeling that told me this was a bad idea? I should have listened to that instead of listening to the other male organ that has a predictable way of clouding judgment.
Why it will never work out:
This makes me feel like I am in high school. I feel sleazy for not even doing anything. No game whatsoever. Fail x 1000.
Entry #5 - Sustainability Grad Student
Prospective Female:
Female passing out flyers for LA Bike Plan meeting on campus
Thoughts:
“Man, there are actually quite a lot of pretty girls out here at the sustainability fair”
Level of Inebriation:
Running on 5 hrs of sleep
Interaction?
Sustainability and going “green” have been pretty big in society recently, but who knew it could have such an IMMEDIATE effect on my life.
Despite her huge bumble bee type sunglasses that tend to obscure the entire face, I noticed this attractive individual from my booth as I was supposedly representing Bruins for Traffic Relief.
Instead of being a weenie and adopting my typical modus operandi of avoidance, I asked her for a flyer and asked what the whole bizniz was about the flyers and the bike plan meeting.
Why it will never work out:
She’s a grad student but brownie points for trying, right? Also I sorta kinda care about bicycle advocacy in Los Angeles.
Entry #4 - Bike Girl
Prospective Female:
Girl riding her Bianchi Pista south on Gayley and then west on Ohio.
Thoughts:
“Whoa, a girl riding a bike…”
Level of Inebriation:
Weary from a 3 hour long class
Interaction?
I was commuting home from class when the aformentioned girl pulls up behind me. Despite wearing a high visibility yellow wind jacket and some unattractive athletic shoes (as well as only having platform pedals and NO FOOT RETENTION), she was quite fit and somewhat attractive from passing glance that I had. Apparently she felt like she had something to prove to me because she was in the drops the entire time trying to get ahead of me. She pulled ahead of me for a few blocks on the stretch from Ohio and Kelton to Ohio and Sepulveda, before we were stopped at a red light.
An awkward silence ensued, and I was standing slightly in front of her. I could feel her eyes glaring at me and admiring my awesomeness. I was suddenly saddened by thought of the possibility that if I still had my fixed gear bicycle, she might have gotten a little more hot and bothered by the sight of me. As soon as the light turned green, I sprinted through the intersection and pedaled with an increased vigor. When I turned around a few blocks later she was gone, dusted by my burst of speed. Or she quite possibly could just have been tired of riding behind some asshole, and decided to just turn onto another street.
Entry #3 - Annoyed Girl
Prospective Female:
Girl walking with her presumably annoying boyfriend.
Thoughts:
“Wow, she looks pissed off. And her boyfriend seems to be the problem.”
Level of Inebriation:
-5 out of 10
Interaction?
Just observed this time. Girl continues to walk as boyfriend pokes and prods her backpack. She remarks that he is being annoying. He continues to walk alongside her even to her displeasure. Guy is wearing polo shirt with a popped collar instantaneously making him a royal d-bag. I daydream for a moment that I can save girls like these from the realm of d-bags, but then I realize there must be something wrong with them if they are with said d-bag to begin with.
Entry #2 - GIS Girl
Prospective Female:
Girl sitting in lab before my class started. She had an Intro to ArcGIS book on her desk.
Thoughts:
“She’s learning GIS! I know GIS! Maybe I should give her some tips?”
Level of Inebriation:
Totally sober.
Interaction?:
Came into class 5 minutes early and sat down next to her. Here is a prime example of my imagination getting way too far ahead of my current predicaments.
I had already envisioned the hypothetical situation that could have occurred where we started talking about GIS, then about other school things, before moving onto slightly more personal things. She would slowly be charmed by affable nature and we would make plans to hang out. Things would go well, and then we would go on to date for many months before she would break up with me citing irreconcilable differences. But still, we would have that one story to tell everyone of how we met in a computer lab at UCLA.
Before I knew it she leaves the lab with a minute remaining before class starts, and I figure out that she was probably just using the lab time for another class. The seats next to me are replaced with two dudes who spend most of the rest of class time talking about what types of consulting firms they want to work at after they graduate with Econ degrees. Ugh.
Entry #1 - Psuedo Catwoman
Prospective Female:
Girl wearing tight black leotard-ish pants
Thoughts:
“Hey, she’s sorta good looking, why the hell not?”
Level of Inebriation:
1 can of Joosed, several shots of whiskey and Grey Goose culminating in this:
Interaction:
Me: “Hey how do you know ___ and ___?”
Her: “Oh my boyfriend knew them from highschool.”
Me: “Oh *trying to hide sudden disinterest*, yeah I knew them from high school too.”
*Slowly sinks into chair and avoids any further conversation*
*Edit* According to a friend’s eyewitness testimony, prior to this conversation occurring, the prospective female reached her hand out at me and asked me for the karaoke remote. In my stupor, I assumed she was simply trying to be civil so I shook her hand and she was completely and utterly confused. Awesome!
