Guy That I Want To Be Like #3 - Spiderman from Spiderman 3
Now that I am well on my way to the first steps of my makeover both physically and mentally, not only do I feel like I have a hop in my step, but I have a goddamned swagger. Which brings me to the next dude that I want to be like, Spiderman.
Now before I go any further, let me mention that I don’t want to be just any Spiderman, but I want to specifically be like Spiderman in Spiderman 3. Yes, people thought the movie was atrocious and the worst of the 3 Spiderman movies, but I can’t help but enjoy how horribly good these movies are.
What He Looks Like:
This movie is known for turning Spiderman emo due to his connection to the symbiote. He’s sorta rocking the Conor Oberst look in this movie.
Claim to fame:
Got bit by a radioactive spider
Kinda saves the world on a frequent basis
Why I want to be like him:
These two scenes below indicate why I absolutely idolize Spiderman in this movie. Yes yes, I know he’s being controlled by symbiote and it’s influencing his behavior, but it’s making him a pure badass!
In the first scene, he’s acting like a complete baller by taking out Betty Brant to make his old flame (Mary Jane) jealous. Juggling two women Spidey? Bravo good sir. I mean who cares if he ends up alienating both women? I certainly wouldn’t care if I could do this to women:
In this second scene, he just acts all kinds of suave as he walks through the streets of the city with his newfound swagger. No woman is safe from his glances and brazen attempts at flirtation. It all culminates with a brilliant dance.
Why I’m sorta like him:
Hopefully my newfound confidence stemming from a makeover will reinvigorate my libido and confidence like the symbiote did for Spiderman.
Why I’m nothing like him at all:
Nowhere near as cool enough as Peter Parker. Not. Even. Close.
Guy That I Want To Be Like #2 - Rob Gordon from High Fidelity
What He Looks Like:
Claim to fame:
Owner of Championship Vinyl Record Shop
Founder of Top 5 Records
Why I want to be like him:
Owns a shit ton of records
Organizes his record collection autobiographically for relief
Creates a Top 5 breakup list (and various other lists) to cope with life
Why I’m sorta like him:
Somewhat of an elitist (i.e. “I will now sell 5 copies…”)
I can relate to the whole Ian/Ray issue
The very basis of this song list was directly inspired by this quote from the book by Rob:
“What came first, the music or the misery? Did I listen to music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to music? Do all those records turn you into a melancholy person?
People worry about kids playing with guns, and teenagers watching violent videos; we are scared that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands, of songs about broken hearts and rejection and pain and misery and loss. The unhappiest people I know, romantically speaking, are the ones who like pop music the most; and I don’t know whether pop music has caused this unhappiness, but I do know that they’ve been listening to the sad songs longer than they’ve been living the unhappy lives.”
Why I’m nothing like him at all:
For all of Rob’s charming personality traits, he’s also kind of a dick, and for these reasons, I’m glad I’m nothing like him.
I didn’t commit any of the 4 unspeakable acts that Rob did to Laura (excerpt from the book):
- That I slept with somebody else while she was pregnant.
- That my affair contributed directly to her terminating the pregnancy.
- That, after her abortion, I borrowed a large sum of money from her and have not yet repaid any of it.
- That, shortly before she left, I told her I was unhappy in the relationship, and I was kind of sort of maybe looking around for someone else.
Also I wouldn’t sleep with Marie De’Salle (movie version at least)
And I sorta need to be in at least 6 relationships before I can make the same “Top 5 Breakups That Messed Me Up The Most” list. That means 5 more failed relationships before I earn the right to make that same list!
Guy That I Want To Be Like #1 - Max Fischer from Rushmore
What he looks like:
Claim to fame:
Wrote and directed a hit play.
He saved Latin, what did you ever do?
Member/founder of various clubs and extracuirricular activities
Why I want to be like him:
This line from the movie just always has me in stitches when I’m watching it, and you’ll know it when you hear it. Plus, check out Bill Murray’s reaction! I wish I was witty enough to be able to react and deliver such snappy quips to people I loathe in my life.
Why I’m sorta like him:
Dressed up like him for Halloween in 10th grade. No one understood who the hell I was supposed to be.
Why I’m nothing like him at all:
He turned down Margaret Yang, pretty much my dream girl.
