the empty new year
For some reason at the beginning of every year, I have trouble remembering the date. While I was in grade school, upon returning from winter break, I would always date my papers and homework assignments with the previous year’s date. This was simply because it was out repetition and habit of doing the same thing for the entirety of the previous year.
Just last year, I wrote a rent check to my landlord that was dated January ‘08 instead of January ‘09. I’m starting to think that it’s simply because I have this attachment to previous year, and I’m not ready to commit to the changes that are to come in the next year. Sure, everyone else is ready to do the countdown, make New Year’s resolutions and generally forget everything that happened in the previous year, but I don’t think it’s that simple for me.
There is no “wipe the slate clean” button programmed into my head. Is there any real difference between December 31st, 2009 and January 1st, 2010? For some people, they’d like to believe that a year has passed, but for me, it was only 24 hours ago, and my same fears and insecurities that existed then are still prevalent now, if not more so.
I find it funny that individuals make blind proclamations and assumptions that the upcoming year will be better. As for me on the other hand, I know that by simply writing a different date on a piece of paper by adjusting it one single digit doesn’t change much. I’ll be ready to move on from whatever this is whenever I feel like I’m ready and not when nonsensical conventions say so.
2009 didn’t end in my book, it just merely blended into a larger chapter of my life timeline.
