Reasons Why Girls Won’t Date Me #4 - I Am A Self Loathing Drunkard
Upon turning 21 and becoming a grown ass man, I feel like a burden has been lifted up from my shoulders while also a curse has been put on me simultaneously. No longer must I roam the streets concealing my booze, as I will be granted entry into the swinging nightlife of the mecca that is Los Angeles. This could be a blessing or it may very well be the death of me.
The first time I ever had alcohol was the night after high school graduation. My friends and I sat at a table and we each laid out shots of vodka and foolishly thought of this as an easy task. Oh how wrong we were… my friend took a shot of vodka and then let it linger in his throat, and then proceeded to spew it across the table at yours truly. I then burst into laughter and proceeded to spew the vodka back at him. Every encounter with alcohol since then has been eerily reminiscent of that first feeble attempt at debauchery. Some people were born to drink, and I simply think I never will be in that category.
Anyways, regarding alcohol, we all know that it has the capability of changing people’s personalities and mannerisms. There are the angry drunks, loud obnoxious drunks, quiet drunks, sleepy drunks, hilarious drunks etc. While some are positives, and some are negatives, I feel as if I am in a class of my own, unparalleled in terms of pity and sorrow.
As a self loathing drunk, I am probably not the most fun person to be around. I am sure that I make people more uncomfortable than anything. I think I become very self loathing when I am drunk because I think of all the squandered possibilities that have occurred in my actual everyday life. I also begin to fear that I have become everything I have hated, and become the loud obnoxious drunken asshole.
Here are some prime examples of the depths of my pathetic and self loathing nature:
Example 1:
During the summer, upon waking up from my friends going away party, I discovered a slew of text messages on my phone. One of them simply said this: “I hate myself right now.”
At first I was a bit confused, but then I looked at the number and realized that it was none other than my own. That’s right, instead of drunk texting someone else, I just directed all the negative energy towards myself. For a self loathing drunkard, at least I am considerate of other people’s feelings, and I keep the annoyances relatively self contained.
Example 2:
Last weekend at a friends party, I proceeded to get trashed and I was lingering in the corner with a trash can. My friend came over and told me I should go mingle with the rest of the crowd, and perchance chat up a lady. I responded very adamantly and with vigor, “Who would want this?” while pointing at myself and hugging the trash can. Surprisingly some girl got up from a couch and proclaimed out loud that she would indeed have me. Unfortunately due to my unfortunate timing and level of inebriation, I immediately vomited into the trash can, sending mixed messages towards her and thus nullifying her previous acceptance of me.
Example 3:
This occurred in the same night, possibly an hour or two later. As my friend was looking for serving materials for her birthday cake, she began to think out loud and say “I need some knives, forks and plates…” This next part is extremely surprising to me, because I don’t remember it, and I’m amazed that I was alert enough to hear her comments and then immediately respond by proclaiming “I NEED A WOMAN.” I’m sure to some it could be interpreted it as funny or silly, but I think at that point in the night and after already making a self deprecating comment (see above), that it was just hard to witness this type of cringe-worthy behavior. Upon hearing this story from her the next morning, I began to face-palm and could not believe the depths of my pathetic nature.
Notes
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